Monday, December 3, 2012

Fish Fry


So I’m wanderin’ through the local big box toy store (no, it's not one of my usual haunts, but with Christmas approaching grandfathers 'R' asked to do such things) and my trout senses start tingling. When you spend enough time straining to spot the shadowy shapes of submerged salmonids it becomes instinctive and subconscious, even when you're off the stream. Once a fly fisherman…

Anyway, my radar says there’s fish close by. I freeze in my tracks, get low, and silently survey the rows of colorful shelves while nearby shoppers move nervously towards the exits. I can't pick out the target and kick myself for not having my polarized glasses. But wait. Yes. There. Between the remote control monster trucks and the Wreck-it Ralph action figures. I see it. The Fish Fry.

I'm stunned. Random reactions run rampant through my cerebral cortex.

That’s SO wrong! Or is it?
It does introduce kids to fishing… maybe… but not catch and release.
A cut brown, brown ‘bo, rain brown, cutty rain brown? Hank would know.
Kid. That trout's only 7 inches! Did you check your local wildlife regs before you fried it?
Let me get this straight. A kit to play outdoors, indoors?
You can “Camp out in your room” when you turn fourteen, Junior. And then stay there 'till college.
Cookin' at the campsite” Hey! That’s MY shtick!

And then there’s…


No fire. I'm bummed. Doubly so when I realize that the pass-around flask of Jack isn't included either.

We'll fix that at the next stop.

Done 'R' I shopping.

16 comments:

cofisher said...

Well, my love of the outdoors started indoors with couch cushion shelters built in the living room. The only thing missing was a campfire and of course the fish. Of course it's probably a good thing the fire wasn't included or the dog would have been toast.

Mike Sepelak said...

A completely legitimate perspective, Howard. And, in time, we may be back to those couch cushion shelters. Geezerhood calls. :-)

Steve Zakur said...

Buy 'em an Easy Bake Oven and run a small Brookie through it. Now that's cookin'!

Jay said...

Very strange. You didn't mention a price point, but I imagine it costs nearly as much for this artificial experience ("campfire sold separately") as it would to do the real thing.
Thank you for sharing this odd sign of our times.

Mike Sepelak said...

Steve, that sounds disturbingly like the voice of experience. But I really don't want to know.

$14.95, Jay. I still haven't quite wrapped my head around it.

River Mud said...

It seems depressing to me. But like Howard says, sometimes passion for "the real thing" starts with living room play.

Last night, my living room was transformed into a "bridge construction site" by my 3 year old....

Mike Sepelak said...

Glad you chimed in, RM. I was curious what dads with tots thought of this. And my basement looks like a similar construction site when the grandkids arrive. Great fun.

Ken G said...

That sure looks like one of those "put and take" trout anyway.

You put enough back, there's no need to feel guilt over one in the frying pan now and then.

Or as my ex-father in law liked to say... first will talk about catching dinner, then we'll talk about catch and release.

Mike Sepelak said...

You're right, Ken. While usually a C&R guy, I've had a fine meal or two sourced by the long rod. There's a time and a place for both. A great point.

Nate said...

I hope the fish has entrails. Does it come with a swiss army knife?

Joel D said...

I'm not above it. When my little girls ask for that instead of a Barbie I will be one proud papa. Have you ever stepped on one of those tinny Barbie shoes? Its like a #10 Mustag in your foot. The fish should at least be legal length tho :) and look a bit more like a stockie

Mike Sepelak said...

I'm thinking it's probably like a McNugget or something, Nate. Solid "meat". No fillet knife necessary.

All boys, here, Joel, so little experience with Barbies. But can totally relate to the small parts pinch. Lego pieces hurt like a M@#$%F*&^%.

Darrin said...

It plants the seed in their mind a lot earlier than you would be able to if you took them out! My son has been swinging a broken fly rod around the house way before I would be able to take him out with me. He catches fish every time he goes "fishing"....wish I thought I was that good!

Mike Sepelak said...

I'm glad of that, Darrin. If it does indeed plant the seed then I'm all for it. And if Darrin Jr. is a chip off the old block, he'll have that kind of success. No worries.

Tom Chandler said...

What, no razor-sharp fillet knife included?

Mike Sepelak said...

What, no razor-sharp fillet knife included?

Now that would certainly make Christmas morning entertaining.