Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Directions For Use


Don’t aim directly at him at first. Point the spray about fifteen feet out and three off the ground, between you and the bear, so if he comes he has to come through the cloud.

Having the bear spray on my belt makes me feel badass, but the bravado melts away quickly as Todd gives me tips on how to use it. I know that the chances of pulling the trigger are slim, but the fact that I’m carrying it at all is sobering.

You’ve got seven seconds worth of spray, but don’t blow it all in one blast. Shoot two or three seconds, then pause.

That’s assuming, of course, that I can get the canister off my hip and flip free the safety while ol’e griz is sizing me up. Assuming I can move at all. I idly wonder how bears might react to the smell of freshly soiled shorts, but decide not to ask.

After that first blast, watch the bear, then the cloud. Be ready to adjust for wind or any other atmospheric conditions before spraying again.

So let me get this straight. Strategically position the first blast. Precisely time the duration of each dispersal. Monitor and assess the large, threatening carnivore’s reactions and the meteorological movements of the gaseous deployed deterrent and adjust application in equally measured portions according to these varying factors.

Forget it. I’m just gonna spray Todd and run like hell.

10 comments:

Steve Zakur said...

First you need friends to spot the bear and track it's progress while you fish obliviously. Then once they've got your attention and invite you to the "safe" side of the river the bear will cross. This will give you plenty of time to both give them "the look" and deploy your spray. If course, you could just say something like "Hey bear!" At which point he'll wander off a bit, crap, and then disappear from sight.

Mike Sepelak said...

Damn. I completely forgot about "the look."

todd tanner said...

I thought you realized I was just making all that stuff up ...

Mike Sepelak said...

Don't give me that guff, Todd. There's no one I'd trust more around a backcountry stream. Besides, I later read the directions on the back of the can. Your advice was spot on.

But you forgot to mention the part that said "Do not seek out encounters with bears or intentionally provoke them."

Oy...

Juan said...

seven seconds of spray between me and the bear? that doesn't even give me a chance to get a good running start, lol.

Mike Sepelak said...

Juan, you'd be surprised. With an ursi iratus on your tail you'd be friggin' Usain Bolt.

Kirk Werner said...

Much debate has been made over the matter of spray vs. a firearm. Spraying one's fishing buddy does seem more humane than shooting him in the knee. I just bought a can of Counter Assault myselfm, so I was happy to find this instructional article on how to deploy it.

Mike Sepelak said...

Glad to be of service, Kirk. I'd never shoot my fishing bud. Leave him for bear food, perhaps, but never shoot him.

And Counter Assault, I believe, is made right there in Kalispell, Montana, so the bears will know and fear it on sight.

Now, how well it works on bovine is yet to be determined. So be careful.

Mark Coleman said...

What do those directions say to do if you're standing dead downwind of the bear?

Mike Sepelak said...

It says to excitedly point off to the side and say "squirrel!" and while the bear's distracted you run around to the upwind side of him and start over.